


Other

by taxidermybears



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 14:50:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7645294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taxidermybears/pseuds/taxidermybears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Tegan had to do was knock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Other

Tegan was military-frozen on the mat of Sara's front door. All she had to do was knock. Sara would answer or, if the universe really was just the pottery of a vengeful god, Stacy would answer. She figured if that were the case she would turn right back around and leave. Tegan had no qualms about insulting this woman, about making sure that their eyes locked while Tegan spun on her heel and strode away with absolutely no haste in her step. It was petty and shameless and she could not have cared less.

She knocked.

But Sara would answer, and then it would be done. It would have to be; Tegan couldn't lie, or hide, or sheath. She had done a lot of hideous ( _a left hook_ ) and unforgivable ( _slap! slap! slap!_ ) things to Sara, but deceit or betrayal didn't exist in their shared world.

The door opened and Tegan felt her insides scatter to the floor, like dropping a deck of cards. 

"Hey," Sara said. She was smiling, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Hey." Tegan figured she was smiling the same exact way. _I'm happy to see you even though the news is bad._

Tegan followed Sara through the house and into the kitchen, where Holiday was sitting sprawled out and wide-eyed in the corner. The bedroom door squeaked open and Stacy popped her head out. 

"Oh, hi, Tegan," Stacy said. She sounded surprised, and Tegan realized that Sara must not have told her girlfriend that she was coming over. Mickey lunged out of the Stacy-sized crack in the doorway.

Tegan responded with a wave that she hoped looked like something resembling sincerity. There was an unreadable-ness to this woman that bothered Tegan to the point of nausea. Stacy was consistent. She held it together, she never flat-lined. Stacy had no variables in what she offered so Tegan sat watching the same show over and over and over again, attempting to spot the differences and realizing that there were none. That's how Sara liked them, though, made of stone like that. Tegan could never tell how much she could get away with, how large of a chunk of Sara she could snatch for herself, how much her month's ration of Sara was. If Stacy's glances were normal or accusatory, Tegan could never tell. Stacy very well may have had it figured out ages ago.

Sara scooped Mickey up in her arms and gave him a quick peck on the forehead before turning back to Tegan. "Go out back. I'll be there in a second," she said.

Tegan opened the sliding glass door and sat on the rigid patio chair. If this was any other occasion Tegan would have rolled her eyes at the massive mesh contraption she had dubbed the "cat cult compound" that took up a decent portion of her sister's back yard. Tegan didn't notice she was fidgeting until the sound of the door opening behind her sprung her back into the moment. There were two brown-tinted glass bottles of cider clinking around in Sara's hands. She offered one to Tegan and sat down on the remaining chair.

The California sun was setting as silence clogged the air between them. Tegan clutched the cider in one hand and her knee with the other. Droplets of condensation coated the glass bottle, dribbling onto her jeans. She figured that she should rightfully initiate the conversation, so she took a sip of her drink instead. She felt like chugging it to at least get a buzz going before she ripped this hole wide open but anxiety had sealed her throat right up. She forced down small sips.

"So," Sara was the one who cracked. "What's up?"

"I'm going out on Saturday," Tegan said. "With someone."

"Oh." Sara glanced over at Tegan. "You have a date?"

"Yeah." Tegan stared at the grass.

" _Oh_."

Tegan spent several tense moments waiting for a response, but the only thing Tegan received was Sara bringing the cider to her lips and turning away from Tegan again. 

"Is it that woman you met a few months ago?" Sara finally asked.

Tegan nodded. Sara nodded back, then shut her eyes and breathed in deep.

"I'm sorry," was all Tegan could think to say.

"Tegan, please," Sara said, throwing her hand out like a white flag, gesturing towards the house behind them that carried her girlfriend, their cats, their space, their life. "I'm the one who needs to be sorry."

Tegan wished she could be anyone, _anything_ , else but who she was. She wished she were hacked up krill in the belly of a whale. "I wanted to wait, Sara, I promise. This doesn't change anything. It doesn't change how we've been doing - how _good_ we've been doing. I-" Tegan felt like she was going to throw up. "I won't go. If you don't want me to, I won't."

" _Tegan._ " Sara wasn't scolding her. She put her hand over Tegan's. "C'mon, no. You've... been with other women before." Sara paused. "We've been _with_ each other while with other people. This isn't our first rodeo."

"You're not mad?" Tegan finally looked at her. Sara's eyes looked glassy and Tegan knew Sara was trying so hard.

"No, no," Sara looked so defeated, so tired. "Of course I'm not mad. We've talked about this, right? We anticipated it. I mean, it just - it just always sucks, you know? It's never _not_ going to feel awful, Tegan. You know that. It feels like shit, but, no, I'm not mad." Sara sighed. "What kind of person would I be? I don't even get the right to be mad at you."

"I think you're allowed to feel how you want," Tegan said. "It just seems different this time. I don't really know."

"It's one date. You're not having a baby with her."

Tegan didn’t know what to say to that, so she didn't say anything. A voice in her head was screaming at Sara about how alone _so, so alone_ she felt. That wouldn't be fair, though, Tegan figured. She didn't have to remind Sara. Tegan didn't have to punish her.

Sara sighed. "I'm sorry. You do what you have to do, okay?" She gave Tegan's hand a soft squeeze and then let go. "We'll figure it out. We always do."

"I'll take you out, Sara. We'll do things around the city -- or outside of it, we can go wherever." Tegan was talking with her hands at this point. "Whatever you want, all day. And then you can spend the night, or we can get a hotel room." 

Sara gave a sad laugh. "You don't have to make it up to me. That's silly."

"I want to."

"We'll figure it out," Sara said again. "Okay? I'm fine. We'll be fine. I know we've gotten _accustomed_ to our current situation, but we're gonna figure it out. It's one date, we don't have to hit the panic button yet."

Tegan didn't know exactly what triggered the panic button, or even what it was, but she assumed Sara had punched it at least once. "Nothing changes?"

"Nothing changes."

Sara was right. They had dined on each other while other girls had been at the table before. They had been through this enough times to know the protocol but Tegan could not shed off the feeling that this time around was somehow different, that she had somehow stepped on the butterfly that would alter their current course. With Stacy being the only force they had to concern themselves with, they had become spoiled. Tegan felt stupid for inviting someone else to their morbid little party.

Sara gave an abrupt huff of a laugh. "Tegan, I can _hear_ you overthinking and worrying. Smoke is going to come out of your ears soon."

"Sorry, sorry. You're right. We're old pros. We can handle this." Tegan stared at her shoes.

They finished off their ciders as the sun ducked lower and then vanished, neither of them saying much else because there wasn't much to say. Sara walked Tegan outside where they were able to snatch away a quick and graceless goodnight kiss before the black cab pulled up. 

Tegan had three more of her own ciders when she got home. She started crying after her second one and had exhausted herself by the third, falling asleep in her clothes right there on the living room couch and wishing she had never left Sara's. 

***

Tegan's phone buzzed from the coffee table. She was going to ignore at first but she saw Sara's name and fumbled for it, getting her password wrong a few times before she was able to read the text.

 _Are you still going on that date tonight?_ Sara hadn't mentioned the date since Tegan had told her about it at the start of the week. They also hadn't seen much of each other but when they did Tegan thought Sara seemed, well, _fine._

_Yeah I am._

_Are you still home and are you alone?_ Tegan had hardly pressed send when Sara's response came through.

_Yes to both._

Tegan's phone buzzed again, this time Sara was calling.

"Tegan?" Sara answered plainly, matter-of-factly.

"Yeah?"

"Where are you taking this woman tonight?" It sounded like Sara was shuffling around, almost like she was sifting through leaves, but then Tegan realized that Sara might be hiding out and stowing herself away in the guest bedroom like she did on occasion.

"Um." Tegan frowned. "La Bohéme."

"Mmm, Mediterranean. Good choice." Her voice was low, on the cusp of a whisper. "What time are your reservations?"

"Seven." 

"Plenty of time," Sara said. "Now get on the bed."

Tegan raised her eyebrows as she connected the dots, and then smiled. She followed directions, walking to her room while attempting to swallow the residual guilt; she tried to make herself focus on the closure that Sara wasn't resentful after all. At least not resentful enough to stop playing around with Tegan like she was.

"All right." Tegan settled under the covers and pulled loose the drawstrings of her sweatpants. "I'm in bed."

"Tegan, Tegan," Sara sighed. "You're never going to learn, are you? How many times are we going to go through this?" Sara was definitely in the guest room, Tegan decided. There was no doubt Sara was laying down with the covers over her head to muffle her voice. The room was less for overnight company and more for Sara to bury herself alive in. "This won't be any different than last time or the time before that. I'm in you too deep, Tegan. You need me too bad and no one else will do."

Tegan sat up on her elbows, unsure. "Sara-"

"Shh," Sara said. It was gentle, but somehow she didn't break character. "I'm not done." 

Tegan laid back down. She closed her eyes because she felt like that would help. Whatever Sara offered, Tegan would latch on to. 

"You have to work so hard," Sara continued. "You have to work so hard with these women. It's so easy with me, with us. That cunt you're about to start playing with? I know every inch of it. You don't have to teach me anything, Tegan, because you already have me trained."

"Jesus Christ, Sara." Tegan tucked a finger in the elastic of her sweatpants and skimmed it along her waist.

"Are you going to stare at her from across the table and wish she were me? Is she always going to be on the same page as you? Is she always going to understand you? I do."

Tegan felt warm. "I know you do."

"Are you going to take her home after? Are you gonna fuck this woman, Tegan? Are you going to fuck her and pretend it's me? Are you going to fuck me through her?"

Tegan could only whimper as she tugged her sweatpants down below her ass. 

"You going to fuck her on those sheets you're laying on? The sheets with my cum all over them? Have you washed them since I've been there? I don't think so." Sara started talking faster and her heavy breath on the receiver came through as static. "I think you love having my cum all over your bed."

Tegan was getting hazy in the head and she felt herself get wetter. She balanced the phone between her shoulder and ear. One of her hands guided itself in between her legs and the other hand circled around a nipple. "I love your cum anywhere, Sara."

"Mmm, good girl," Sara said, which gave another shock to Tegan's clit. "Would she do the things I do to you, Tegan? Would she stop you at two fingers? Or is her limit three? You fuck me with four regularly and I don't bat an eye. My body can take more than that, though. I can take all of you. I don't think this woman can."

Tegan moaned and allowed her hips to thrust a little harder into her hand. 

She heard Sara's smile through the phone. "Are you touching yourself, baby?" 

_Baby, baby, baby, baby..._ It would be ringing in her head for the next week, like church bells. Tegan would always feast on those scraps. "You know I am."

"I want to hear it."

Tegan grinned and freed her nipple from her fingers, using that hand to grab the phone and maneuver it between her legs. She stopped thrusting into her palm and changed the pace. Her fingers began to rub circles near her entrance and _oh god_ she was so wet. She coordinated her movements to be quick and sloppy and made sure Sara got an earful of the sounds.

Tegan returned the phone to the spot between her head and shoulder. "Are you doing it too?" she asked.

"This isn't about me. Keep that hand down your pants." Sara was practically growling. "Would she let you choke her? Spank her? I let you choke me. In fact, I beg for it. You know how hard I come with your hands around my neck. You know how it feels when I try to scream your name, when I try to moan but all I do is gag because your palm is pushing down on my throat."

"Fuck. Sara, I love that." Tegan was losing it. She dipped the tip of her index finger inside her, thrusting her clit against her palm again.

"Or maybe you're feeling like someone's bitch? Do you feel like being a bitch tonight?"

Tegan did. She really did feel like a bitch. That plucked her out of the moment. Her chest felt heavy, but she also couldn't ask Sara to stop -- it was too good. "I feel like being your bitch."

"That's right. You can fuck all the women you want, but you're mine. Is she going to slap your ass raw? Does she know how you like to be restrained? How you like to be on your stomach with your wrists and ankles shackled, face down, ass up, my cock base-deep in your pussy?"

Tegan began to whimper.

"Answer me, Tegan."

"No," Tegan gasped. "Only you know. Only you can do that to me."

“I've ruined you, Tegan. For every other woman out there. And when I see you next, I'll bring my cock. I'm going to fuck you so good. I'm going to fuck you so good and hard. I'm going to fuck every woman you've ever been with right out of you."

"Please, Sara." Tegan slipped the tip of another finger inside her. She was vaguely aware that the phone was slipping but she didn't do anything about it. There was nothing else in her life right now besides Sara in her ear. 

"I'll make you suck my cock first. It's the least you could do." Sara was grunting and lisping and although Sara had pled the fifth earlier, Tegan knew Sara had to have been touching herself too. "I'm going to grab a fistful of your hair and push you facedown against the bed. You're going to take my whole cock and you're going to be stretched around me so nice, and then I'm going to show you myself. Ask me what I'm going to show you, Tegan."

Tegan was reaching her threshold. She didn't know how much longer she could last with Sara talking like this. "What are you going to show me, Sara?" Tegan was hardly able to breathe.

"I'm going to show you how useless it is to try and satiate yourself with other women. I'm going to pound that pretty pussy, Tegan, and I'm not going to stop. You're going to cum on this cock, but I'm going to stay inside of you until you're ready for more. And then I'm going to make you cum again. I'm going to do this until you can't even speak anymore. Your pussy will be so sore, you won't be able to think about anything else for a week, especially not another woman. You're going t-"

" _Sara_." Tegan was writhing and moaning and absolutely soaked and so, so close.

"Mmm, that's it. You're gonna come for me, aren't you?"

"Oh, god. Fuck, I'm coming." Tegan stuttered something else before a scream was caught in her throat and then she whimpered as she was floating down from it all. Sara was talking to her but Tegan couldn't understand what she was saying. All Tegan knew was that her whole body tingled and she was _dripping_ and it felt so nice and it could only be Sara and all Sara used was a fucking phone.

It could only be Sara.

"Hey? Tegan?" Tegan hardly realized that she was talking to the same person, the same Sara. Reality felt warped and forced and Tegan didn't remember her apartment being this quiet before her sister called. "Are you okay? Was that okay?"

"Yeah. God, yes, of course that was okay," Tegan said. "It was good, even."

"Are you sure? I know it was a lot. You would tell me if it was too much?"

It _was_ a lot, but Tegan didn't know if that was a bad thing right then. It may hit her later, but it was okay for now. "I promise."

"I want you to have a good time tonight, Tee."

"Sara-"

"I mean it," Sara said. "You're hurting. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy." Tegan wished her sister would have given her at least a few more minutes of afterglow, but Sara needed to talk and Tegan could at least give her that. 

"You know what I mean. I know my situation has you... backed into a corner. I want you to be happy, regardless of what that looks like."

"You, Sara," Tegan felt like she was going to start crying again and she didn't know why. "That looks like you."

"Tegan," Sara said it so softly, Tegan almost missed it. "I'm so sorry."

"I love you." Tegan didn't know what else to say.

"I love you. So much. So, so much."

Tegan didn't feel like going out.


End file.
